Scene: A loud parade big band fanfare and people cheering plays at the background, two hosts are exchanging dialogue with each other much like a Macy's float parade in America.
Host 1: Hello and welcome to our bi-monthly, Everything Is Okay Day parade!
Host 2: Just to tell you out there that everything is perfectly fine! As sponsored by (serious voice) the States.
Authoritive Advert Voice: "The States. OK means, Organised and Knowhow. We know what you're doing so you don't have to."
Host 1: A free parade to qualm those nasty rumours that everything isn't okay. Bought to you by the Tip Top foundation, as sponsored and wholly funded by the wonderful people at; The States.
Host 2: Wwww-wait, I'll have to interrupt there as I can see the President Minister coming down the road.
Host 1: ...And there they are, the President Minister, doing the countries duty, waving to all the public, children and families inside their quad-wheeled perspex booth.
Host 2: Yes. they've got quite a PP today, haven't they?
Host 1: Oh yes indeed.
Host 2: Today's Perspex Pusher is the lucky, lucky, Kevin from Glastonbury. Who has recently taken on the duty from his father who pushed the perspex box for the entireity of 2, whole, years!
Host 1: Wow. 2 years, what a incredible undertaking. Doing this parade every, 2, months. That has to be a record.
Host 2: Unfortuntely his father passed away one day of heat stroke in the middle of November bought on by a repeated cough which severly detererated his heath over the next two weeks and decided to travel the world in his last days.
Host 1: May I add, very kindly funded by The State's Pension scheme.
Host 2: And that is exactly why Kevin today is modelling the latest beerhat from the Tip Top foundation. Lessons have been learnt. Nobody will be passing out of heat stroke and choking on the ground this year.
Host 1: It's so sad when they deploy the hi-viz tent isn't it?
Host 2: Oh yes. But the children love it. That florescent tent, so...neon! Especially in the dark.
Host 1: Yes, it is an awful shame that they had to stop doing these at nights. The glow sticks and the illuminated floats really added something to that hi-viz tent.
Host 2: And all the people dressed in the hi-viz suits too, giving free steamed showers to everyone with the water canisters on their back, so nice on those hot, hot days.
Host 1: It was hard to see the previous President Minister, in the dark though wasn't it? The bulb kept going out and it took about an hour to replace it. I mean, with this glorious sunshine you can even see a kind of beautiful rainbow across the perspex and the current President Minister's face.
Host 2: Absolutely fantastic for the children. You can just make out that spectrum next to the sponsored Pepsi, 7up and McDonald decals on the box above and below the PMs head and feet.
Host 1: Sometimes you can't help but wonder, are they waving in that box? or are they just trying to repeatedly block out the sun from their eyes?
Host 2: Ahaha, careful now, joking aside...just behind the President Minister is the cabinet, the people that really keep this country on it's feet. You can just about see the health minister through his tinted windows of the limosine just leading all the minister's designated limosines.
Host 1: Wait, wait, wait. I will have to stop you there. The President Minister is about to speak.
Loudspeaker: EVERYTHING IS OKAY. LIVE AGAIN ANOTHER DAY. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER GREAT DAY TO SERVE YOUR COUNTRY. IT'S ALL GOOD. EVERYTHING IS TIP TOP.
Host 1: The power and certainty in that voice. It's truely unbelievable that the PM said that without even moving their mouth.
Host 2: A impressive achivement indeed.
Host 1: They just sound so damn sure of theirselves, don't they?
Host 2: And that's exactly why we were told they should be the next President Minister, the press had it so right. It's truely amazing how accurate journalism and criticism can be these days since Tip Top News corperation took it over.
Host 1: They're exactly the leader we need right now. Just look at them cradling that baby through the newly installed for this year, external glove box system!
Host 2: Cheek pushed right at near as possible to the perpex. What an honor. To leave a mark on that box at such a very early age.
Host 1: Very cheeky. Maybe another twenty years you can be like Kevin, touching that glorious booth once more.
Host 2: What a little sprite that Kevin is. He's doing so well right now. He must had easily pushed the booth two miles now.
Host 1: So... we have been asked why the PM insists on having no physical contact with the general public, using their own decontamination glove system built into the booth. Some of you may believe it's fear of touching the public. But it is in fact, exactly the opposite way.
Host 2: How so?
Host 1:We have exclusive details that the PM has a very dangerous skin condition. They can't touch any type of skin without coming out in blisters and rashes.
Host 2: Now, some people, such as conspiracy theorists and people with tin foil hats have pointed out that the PM, obviously has skin.
Host 1: And that is exactly why they are wearing clothes inside the booth. To stop the friction of the skin.
Host 2: And what an excellent PVC combination of vest, mini-dress and bow tie it is.
Host 1: Purple is in this year too. It's very much the thing. Very regal.
Hosty 2: There you go folks, it's all part of fashion, even the helmet. Time to take those tin foil hats off.
Host 1: And just passing by now is the float dedicated to the late Sir David Icke. Who was posthmously knighted for his contributions to society which were tragically cut short way back in the 2020's when he passed away of hayfever during one of his many rallies.
Host 2: When you think about it, it is very ironic that his float is covered in flowers, the very thing that killed him.
Host 1: It's symbolic, isn't it? You don't know until it's too late.
Host 2: Pollen. The silent killer.
-CREEPY SPOOKY/TRIBAL MUSIC-.
Host 1: Uh, oh...
Host 2: The children are booing...
Host 1: They love it really.
Host 2: It's the gang you love to hate...
Host 1: It's the Pandemic Parade!
Host 2: Yes, the pandemic parade. Now these are the squares which ruin everyone's fun by forcing them to go home early and wear face coverings.
Host 1: Those face coverings are very unnerving. You can't even see who they are. Just piercing eyes of menace.
Host 2: That's the idea. Anybody could be part of the pandemic parade. Because the masks block out the states facial recognition, it's up to you to report anyone suspicious spreading rumours about a so called 'past pandemic' and passing out masks and gloves.
Host 1: And that's exactly what they are doing now. As they creep side to side like crabs 2 meters apart, throwing plastic gloves, visors and linen masks to the public. A metaphor for the lies they spread over the unwitting public.
Host 2: They are so creepy the way they walk, side to side, but purposely avoiding each other.
Host 1: It's like watching a game of Space Invaders.
Host 2: And just look at it. Like confetti. There are plastic gloves everywhere. A true trail of destruction of where they've been.
Host 1: And look, the children behind the gates are trying on the masks and trading them for other designs.
Host 2: Plastic and linen everywhere. Polluting the streets with tell tales and non-recyclable plastic.
Host 1: They are obviously the bad guys. It couldn't be any clearer.
Host 2: The States even make a point of it, by using tax payers money for this wasteful, wreckless abandon of filth across our streets.
Host 1: You know, when you see all these masks on the floor, it just hits me, do they actually have any kind of practical use to you?
Host 2: It sounds a bit silly. But you know, the bit where your ears are supposed to go through?
Host 1: Yeah?
Host 2: Well, you see, I've got two dogs and they make the most AMAZING, washable doggy bags. Just hold them by the loops and fold them in around the business. Just throw them in the washer after using and good as new!
Host 1: Well. That's the Pandemic Parade gone, run out of things and ideas to randomly throw out to people. Now remember to start preparing to make your Pandemic Parade Person ready for the 5th of November. The best one wins a prize from the Tip Top foundation.
Host 2: Obviously, before they get set alight. We judge before they're inserted in the wicker, so don't be sending pictures of them alight like some did last year.
Host 1: Oh, oh. Look at this. This is the kind of thing we've been waiting for, why the crowds are truely here.
Host 2: Kevin, has, hit, a, curb.
Host 1: Now, because nobody else can touch the booth, due to governing law and tradition. Nobody can help Kevin.
Host 2: Now, because the pandemic parade have gone, people are beginning to turn on the Perpex Pusher as the new villian of this story.
Host 1: You can hear those boo's from the crowd from here.
Host 2: Come on Kevin!
Crowd: (Kevin you're a loser!)
Host 1: You can do it!
Crowd: (Booo, kevin you suck!)
Host 2: Hurry up Kevin! Just a little to the left! A bit to the r...
Host 1: ...Oh no. Kevin has done it now. Much like the previous PM, the whole perpex booth has toppled over onto the path.
Host 2: You can hear that almighty thud from here.
Host 1: I'm not sure, but there appears to be a bit of a panic for the PM. There seems to be a rather long scratchmark on the side of the booth.
Host 2: But our President Minister is fine. Perfectly active waving their arms and legs all over the place for proof.
Host 1: Kevin's just been detained by the people in black, I'm sure we'll hear the date of his trial soon, as soon as we get it, you'll know too.
Host 2: I'm sure the Tip Top betting offices will be going wild tonight on the odds of the punishment. With a case like this, there's a very high chance of it being terminal. So there could be a good primetime show tonight.
Host 1: it's not all bad, here comes the helicopter ready to drop the hi-viz tent, a first this time, right over the Pres...(crackles out.)
